You know when you watch the Crime and Investigation or the Investigation Discovery channel’s Who did i marry?, you never think one of those crazy stories of being married to a certified monster is that real.
You know, you’re in for some shocking details when that dramatic voice-over starts to play.. Ben and Irene fell in love three years ago… a prince and princess…what started as bliss soon start to show cracks..when Ben turned from the charming prince to a cold-blooded monster…
I simply cannot get enough, my family and I sometimes watch over dinner; the reconstruction is always fascinating. My mum’s on side heaping Holy-ghost curses on these perpetrators and my sister is on the other, with her dark twisted humor. Somehow it makes for great family time. Now that I think about its quite strange, we bond over such sordid shows.
But now that, like everyone else, I watched and read on Benita’s story, my heart filled with pain. Like everyone else, I shed a tear and I became afraid. This wasn’t a love-gone-bad story in a far away place that couldn’t touch me. This story was so close it COULD TOUCH me. It wasn’t one of the many horror flicks I’ve curled up in my cozy bed to watch. This horror happened to a 29 year old Ghanaian girl like me; a young idealistic Ghanaian girl who wanted to enjoy the fulfilling experience of a loving husband and children. Nothing too ambitious really; I mean, what is life really about after all? You work hard and you spend it with your loved ones right? Isn’t that how life is supposed to be?
Before I continue my rant, for those who do not know, early this week, The tragic story of Benita Dankwa, the pregnant wife , who miraculously survived a mysterious gun shot, took over Ghanaian news. From the Joy Fm’s Manaseh Azure’s story, I gather that she went to bed with her husband like any other night, only to wake up at 5:30 “feeling like a balloon”.
She had a bullet in her chest.
She was rushed to the hospital with assistance from her husband and a friendly neighbor. The bullet wasn’t discovered until they got to the hospital. The details of the investigation by the police eventually would name her husband, Effort Dankwa, as the prime suspect. Especially seeing as there were no signs of forced entry or break-in. I mean,someone must have been REAL quiet to come in, SHOOT her at,according to the report, close range,without anyone hearing till Benita woke up.
Currently, Effort Dankwa, the husband is under investigation but I don’t believe he has been charged yet. Quick random questions : 1. Can you get off on bail with cases like attempted murder? 2. What kind of a name is Effort? Are we just going to act like that’s NOT weird? Ok. Moving on.
Anyways, I’m not about to give my opinion on what the police need to do. I really do hope they find who is responsible for this and FAST. Benita deserves that at least. i just wanted to share what lesson I took from this.
People are who they tell you they are. It is not a joke and it does NOT change
While I read Benita’s story, with absolute disbelief, she recounted her relationship with her husband,Effort. She said that, for the most part, they had a peaceful relationship. According to her, Effort was unfaithful at a point which caused a rift but that was eventually dealt with. Yes, you know, when you come home tired from work, only to find your husband in bed with another woman? Yea.. one of those ordinary days.
Anyway, what did interest me was what she said about her pregnancy. Her husband didn’t want children. He said so when they were dating and repeated that even after getting married. “And he didn’t really say anything”, was what she says, his reaction was to hearing that she pregnant.
Silence is NOT always golden.
Now Benita, who probably like me thought ( with a stank face like whaat??) he may change his mind at some point, obviously got it wrong. Mr.Dankwa DID not change his mind and probably felt strongly about NOT having children than Benita thought. After the gunshot incident happened, the husband accused her of having an affair with her gynecologist and denied responsibility of the child who was born pre-mature because of the shooting. He has asked Benita who lives with her parents now, not to contact him ever again. A real class-act, that one.
Now I’m not going to say getting pregnant for her husband cost Benita dearly, seeing as she is now paralyzed from the chest downwards,unable to function properly without help. In fact we don’t know who is responsible for any of this. In my opinion, however, choosing to or not to have children in a marriage should be a serious discussion for any couple. It’s as important as religion,health,politics and everything else that we consider when choosing a life-partner.
When someone says he doesn’t want to have children(which you don’t normally hear around these parts in Ghana) whatever his aversion is, it takes a very decisive person that declaration to someone who obviously wants to have children and i don’t believe that changes easily.
At some point you need to take yourself out of the love equation ask yourself :(as a third person looking in), what kind of a father will a man who doesn’t want kids be?
Love is complex and tough sometimes, it blurs decisions and reason. I cannot help but sigh as I look at a seemingly permanent situation of paralyzed new mother and her child.
There is never closure with tragedies like this but only comfort in knowing that in all this, there is new life in a child. A child that will bring joy and hope.
I really, really wish Benita well. With all my heart.
PS:I decided to use that picture of Benita, young and happy. That is how i choose to see her