When I was asked that, my initial reaction was to laugh! What kind of a stupid question is that? Is that even like a thing? To DECIDE, to pick who to marry because,err his face is painful to look at BUT at least he may be for keeps?
But perhaps I wasn’t too charitable when I was asked this question because i had just read this insightful article on modern relationships by Alexander Mark : Doing It Wrong: Love in the Modern Age – Why Modern Relationships Suck which left me angry and satisfied simultaneously. It was truth, guys.
But i will get back to that later. The question was, “There is a growing rumour that ladies nowadays prefer the not-so-handsome men because they don’t want too much competition with other women….. What’s your take on that?”
Hmm.. let me see, The thing is, I cannot help but answer this question with a question before trying to answer it. I mean firstly, and I repeat, THIS IS A THING????? Seriously? I am at loss as to how that can be achieved. Secondly, where did the idea come from that dating and marrying a man who is not handsome diminishes competition?
Whatever your answer is to that last question, I can see this conversation being relevant ONLY to women. If I was a man I would find this laughable but highly motivating. This is because, in my short life, I have realized that a man needs one thing to have his fair share of women:
Correct for 10 points! Oh and a very cocky smile.
I may be wrong, but I believe a man’s primary concern is to ultimately reveal that hidden alpha personality and character that will better his own esteem as well as improve his relationships with others. I.e: family, peers, competitors, superiors and so on. In other words, once a man begins to think like this, he must find ways and means to always show the best version of himself. It is a burden, a man(strangely) enjoys. When he achieves this, he mentally, begins to feel that there is no feat they cannot conquer. Women included. A lot of men prioritize this way: Education, Career, Money, Women, family.
So i think many would agree here that:
Seriously! No gives a flying banana about a pretty face, or a great body on a man when there is lira? With a ton of money, any man, Flavour-flave face, Idris Elba skin-tone, Steve Curry pretty-eyes, Pappy Kojo locks, can have any woman he wants. You and your mama! This in no way, is to tarnish, the independent self-sufficient new woman we now see today. The import of this is to say simply that women will always claim that “needy” spot in a relationship. No matter how successful she is, her man must be able to cater for her.
I think this argument is flawed because it only exposes what’s wrong with our warped idea of marriage and relationships in the first place. I mean why are we discussing stupidities like this if we all weren’t out here hurting each other. The issue isn’t whether your man is a looker, it is whether he is good enough sheep to be led to the marriage slaughter house.
TAG! YOU’RE IT
As Kobby Graham rightly says in his article, Sex, fauxnogamy and the married man, “Polygamy is on the way out in Ghana, but marital cheating is thriving. There is a problem with how we raise our boys” -And women these days, I might add.
Married men, exude the air of responsibility, security, devoid of complication, affluence and maturity. Once the marital cuffs are on, he is marked by OTHER women as fair game. Like bees to the flower, his new “off-the-market” status significantly increases his market value…on the market.
Some Ghanaian women have become exploitative and pursue marriage for all the wrong reasons. It’s this bizarre tit-for-tat gender war.
- Man is polygamous for…
- Woman fights for right,position, and recognition.
- Woman loses.
- Man stays same.
- Woman backs up to re-evaluate and transform identity and power.
- Woman starts to play Man.
- Woman disengages from emotional and mental connections with Man for personal gain
- Woman usurps old role with new agenda.
It makes you feel like the rationality of “LOVE” in marriage these days isjustified but its results are dire.
At the end, who really wins? No one, All we have are shamed marriages,broken hearts and homes, unplanned babies, alimony and a gay ol’ time at the courthouses. This all takes me back to the first article i referred to concerning the problems with modern dating. Which is another whole matter.
What is apparent is that today’s generation lack PATIENCE. The patience to care, to build, to rebuild, to nurture and to perfect. We are the take-out generation, forget the home-cooked meal. We are the waist-trainer,body glorifying, SNAP CHAT generation, the FADE,WAVE,SLAY generation( I have no idea what these terms mean). We live for the flashy, the excitement and the thrill. The NOW generation as some call it.
There are no quiet moments. There are pauses to savor and appreciate. There are no moments to pause and smell the LIFE, we are living.
So no,marrying a man because he won’t get winks from the girls is downright stupid. It is a sorry excuse to NOT work on being better partners and basically better people.